RaHasia Hati

Waktu terus berlalu

Tanpa kusadari yang ada hanya aku dan kenangan

Masih teringat jelas

Senyum terakhir yang kau beri untukku

Tak pernah ku mencoba

Dan tak ingin ku mengisi hati ku dengan cinta yang lain

Kan kubiarkan ruang hampa didalam hidupku

Reff:

Bila aku harus mencintai dan berbagi hati itu hanya denganmu,

Namun bila kuharus tanpamu,

Akan tetap kuarungi hidup tanpa bercinta

Hanya dirimu yang pernah tenangkanku

dalam pelukmu saat ku menangis

Ke sana? atau kesini ya?

Ketika cinta dan cita dapat dipersatukan, dunia ini terasa aku yang memiliki. tidak ada kesusahan atau pun duka lara yang menyelimuti, karena semua yang seharusnya kumililiki bisa kudapatkan. Begitulah awalnya kisah hidup ku yang malang ini.
bak seorang budak aku bekerja dan belajar untuk mengejar cita-cita yang dari sejak kabut masih menutup pandangan masa depan ku cita-cita itu sudah ku impikan. Tak sedikit yang memandang sebelah mata cita-cita ini, bahkan orang tua ku sendiri pun menganggap mustahil apa yang ku impikan ini. sebenarnya mimpi ku ini tidak lah muluk-muluk, hanya sekedar ingin belajar, menuntut ilmu ketempat-tempat yang aku sendiripun tidak pernah menyangka kalau aku bisa kesana. Aku hanya ingin mengalir dengan gelombang samudra yang mengantarkan ku ketepian yang penuh janji-janji, meski masih berselimut misteri. Aku juga ingin menderu bersama deru angin malam yang mampu mengantarkan para nelayan ketengah lautan dan kembali membawa seikat harapan untuk menyambung hidup keluarganya.
meski ditengah cemooh dan pandangan pesimis para pengamat nasib yang untuk melihat naisbnya sendiripun mereka tak bisa, aku terus belajar dan bekerja. berfikir kedepan dengan landasan keyakinan, seperti halnya seorang Siti Hajar yang berani meyakini akan adanya sumebr air dipadang tandus.
Sampai pada akhirnya sebuah gerbang awal telah berhasil kudapatkan: menyelesaikan Kuliah S1 dan Mendapat kesempatan menuntut ilmu di negeri Paman Sam. Yah awal yang indah untuk sebi=uah cita-cita dan anugerah.

Hampir disaat bersamaan Cinta pun ku dapatkan, dunia terasa nirwana, hidup terasa disinggasana bak seorang raja yang dilimpahi cinta dan permata. Menyadari anugrah terindah itu, jiwa ku pun terpanggil untuk terus mempertahankan dan menyemai benih-benih cinta itu agar terus berkembang dan bersemi. Dengan perjuangan aku pelihara dengan harapan kelak, ketika ia benar-benar menjadi milik ku, ia akan memberi kesempurnaan ditengah kehidupan ku, ya... itu lah kesempurnaan, ketika Cita dan Cinta menyatu saling melengkapi bak Bintang gemintang dan rembulan dengan sinarnya yang teduh namun menyentuh. hari ku jalani dengan langkah tegap demi mengejar saat bulan purna penuh bintang tersebut.

namun, malang nian nasib ini, ketika cita diraih, cinta mulai merintih. ketika cita mulai mendekat cinta mulai melepas jangkarnya. Aku tak rela Apa yang ku citakan ini menguap begitu saja, dan aku juga tak sanggup melihat cinta ku berlayar tanpa meninggalkan pesan dan harapan. ingin rasanya ku pertahankan bak Majnun yang rela dipanggil "Majnun" demi Si Laila. atau mungkin juga seperti seorang Romeo yang rela melakukan apa saja demi Julietnya.

yah seperti inilah jalan ku kini bercabang dua, ingin ku satukan keduanya namun rasanya tak mungkin. Bak Hujan dan kemarau. Seperti apapun aku berjuang mempertahankan kemarau, tetap saja ia akan pergi ketika Hujan datang.

Do you know how much I Love you?

You are the one i wish my ring belongs to. You are i wish the one i live with. But you know what? Love is the matter of two hearts; yours and mind. Love is the matter of transferring the same wave each other. You send me a positive wave, and i need to respond with the better one. it has no question on where we are or why we love each other, because love does not now boundary and reason. Yea... love does not know what "distance" is, love does not need reason, it is all about wave... the wave of love...
that is all what we need in love.

But you know what? I am not that perfect, to love with no mistake. to love with transferring the perfect wave that making you smile and laugh all the time. I too often letting you down, letting you feel that i am not the best one for you. i know that you still have many bunches of patience, but mind you that every time i make you cry, i always feel guilty. I do not want to be in this situation all the time, i have to dare of letting you be happy, of letting you smile all the time. That is why I go away, that is why i left you alone and I am also alone.

Facedogdotcom

Urbana, Octtober 11, 2010

Monday night, it should have been the night of taking a very comportable rest for me because usualy every monday i always do so many stuffs in college from morning to evening therefore at such a night like this I will feel so tired the just slowly fly to my second world, that is my dream. But tonight, my feeling feels like really bad, it is almost like the feeling of the captain of TITANIC when it was going to sink.
The whole tiredness stayed in my soul seems can not kick the boredom away. I have been trying to do a couple of things just to survive from this kind of suffering, but what I get is only nothing… yes…a bunch of nothing. While my fingers kept dancing on my keyboard and my ear focused on the “heaven” played by Laila in the radio, my brain kept exploring to the whole of my body looking for the error system which causes this problem. After a little while, a huge of conclusions were transferred by the nerves to the data processing room in my head and sent me message telling that the main problem that I was facing at the time was the “heart” problem.
“What’s it?” said me….
“I have nothing problem with my heart.” Continued me…
I tried to deny…”I did no feel any hurt even I have to live without facebook, I will be ok even if I have to live with no contact with all my friends there, I am gonna be alright”.
I kept convincing myself that the decision to delete my facebook account forever is the best way for me.
Yea…that is the problem that I did not want to call it as a problem. Or on the other words I deny the problem as a problem.
I just deleted my facbook account forever, this had been a very hard decision for me. I have been trying to do it since several months ago, you know why? Here are some of the reasons:
Firstly, I have just realized that I have spent more than five hours I day just to sit in front of my facebook, this amount of time should have given me a lot of knowledge or experiences if I have used them to read or to explore The USA.
Secondly, I just realized that facebook just gives me too big chance to keep thinking and remembering my past time, my memories both sad and sweet. It causes a problem for me to keep walking to the future.
Thirdly, I just realized that facebooking keeps me awas from being sociable.
Fourthly, facbooking had interrupted my time to write.
However, behind my sadness, I am sure that I am going to get more happiness in living without facebook.